PARENT - Job Description

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team-players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts on call
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed
Extensive courier duties also required

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life, must be willing to be hated - at least temporarily - until someone needs Rs 200
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 100 kmph in three seconds flat in case - this time - the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent
When you die, you give them whatever is left
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right

(Courtesy: Gopi Krishna Madhavan)